I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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