So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
