she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Too much gin, very little bucket
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
