fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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