I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize