The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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