She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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