I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
