I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
