My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I am naked and annoyed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
