I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
