Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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