Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
