Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
