So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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