no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
