i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Say something about gay babies.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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