Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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