Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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