Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
