sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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