I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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