You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
