okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
