yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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