I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
