I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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