Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
