Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
