My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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