Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
