I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
