He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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