We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
