My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
