i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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