id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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