there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
