the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
