My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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