Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am puke
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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