There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
