She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
