I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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