well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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