I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
