I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize