How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
