PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
