So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
