You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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