OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
