Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
