I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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