how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
