Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
