i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
