Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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