The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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