Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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