I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's shark week go big or go home
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
