I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
