I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
