sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
