can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
