o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize