I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
