let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
