capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
