We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
