You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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